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rorschach99's Journal

26th December, 2005. 12:40 am. Times change ...

I was looking through some old papers recently, and I came across the poem attached below. I wrote this a few months after my first wife and I split up, and I suppose I was in a somewhat bleak mood. At the time I had a nice office on the 7th floor of an office tower. I had a lovely view of a long street leading into the west. One day it was very cold and cloudy, with a lot of wind. Typical Ohio winter weather. Anyway, the bleakness of the weather seemed to suit my mood, and I came up with this. I believe it's my only attempt ever at free verse. I've written a fair amount of poetry, but in general I write in rhyme. When I found this I couldn't help but smile, and reflect on the way life can change. Ten years ago, I really didn't foresee myself being happy again. Anyway, here goes.

The Hunt

The wind is hungry today.
A grey, gibbering thing
That pursues the helpless
Bits of paper and straw
Down the long gullets
Of the empty streets,
Or sometimes into the missing
Windows of old buildings,
Standing like dessicated skulls with
Empty, staring sockets.

The wind is hungry today,
Greedily sucking the warmth
From everything it touches,
But unable to fill the aching void within.
It shrieks its pain to the heavens,
Its soulless wail lost in the swirling
Grey dome stretching endlessly above -
One more lost and empty voice echoing
Eternally through a world which neither
Hears nor cares.

The wind is hungry today,
And its keening, incessant scream
Haunts me, sometimes flickering
Briefly into my consciousness with
Terrifying clarity - and for an instant,
The wind and I are brothers,
Running together through the empty
Streets, vainly trying to fill
A void which cannot be filled,
Howling our pain to the skies.

Copyright by me, 1995

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21st March, 2005. 9:50 am. Atrocities, Hypocrisies, and the Media

I was just reading an article on MSNBC - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7251907/ - that was discussing sexual abuse of African children by U.N. workers. There are hundreds of documented cases. In one example, they cited a French U.N. worker who had "hundreds of videotapes that showed him torturing and sexually abusing naked girls".

There are perhaps several hundred U.N. peacekeepers and employees implicated in this abuse.

So where is the media outrage? When the Abu Ghraib scandal broke, it was front page news for weeks. The actions of those 5 or 6 guards were relentlessly aired on television. For days, photos of prisoner abuse were the headline in major papers and in every major Web news outlet.

This story was published under the tiny, tiny headline "Congo's desperate one-dollar U.N. girls". It was in perhaps 10 point type. Even after following the title to the page with the story, there were no photos.

If the guy with the hundreds of videotapes of himself torturing teenage girls were American, instead of French, this thing would be in screaming headlines on every news outlet in the world. Even our domestic ones.

The hypocrisy sickens me almost as much as the acts themselves. Herein, dear reader, is a lesson. For all the criticism of the U.S. military in Iraq (and a few rotten soldiers have done much that deserves criticism), a civilian population is MUCH better off with U.S. troops than with U.N. peacekeepers. The sexual abuse of civilians, dereliction of duty, and even indirect participation in massacres has occurred almost without fail in U.N. peacekeeping misisons in Somalia, Sudan, Congo, Kosovo ... you name it. In Kosovo, U.N. staff have been actively involved in trafficking in the sexual slavery of young Eastern European girls.

It's never deemed particularly newsworthy by the media. And the perpetrators are, most often, let go with no more than a slap on the wrist, if that. But that's OK, 'cause they're with the blessed U.N., acting with the sanction of international law. Not at all like those nasty Americans abusing prisoners at Abu Ghraib (who are, by the way, now rotting in military prisons where they belong).

You know what gets me the most? It's the way the far left are willing to turn a blind eye to this crap. U.N. abuses. Mass killings of civilians by despotic regimes. Systematic rape and torture of kids. It's all OK, as long as the evil American empire ain't involved. Dead civilians, no matter how many their numbers, are only newsworthy if they have an American bullet in them. And the real irony is that so many on the far left view themselves as "humanitarians".

I feel sick.

--rorschach99

Make Notes

5th October, 2004. 1:22 am. economics 101 (in a fit of insomnia driven energy)

I've been falling prey to unexplained bouts of anxiety lately. Heh. Well, maybe not that unexplained. There's a lot going on in my life right now. I suppose I could rightfully claim that much of it is stressful. By and large, though, I deal well with pressure. In the grand scheme of things, life is pretty good right now. The wife is responding well to some new medication, and that is hopeful (she has lupus, a chronic immune system disorder). None of the kids (none of whom are actually kids anymore) is in any kind of hole. Work is pretty good, although increasingly time-consuming. The rather extensive damage the lightning strike did to the house is pretty much all fixed (new roof, new siding, new deck).

So why the anxiety? Curious.

Anyway, my friend bardiphouka was recently commenting on my gradual shift from liberal-hippie pacifist to my current stance. The current stance is a bit hard to categorize. I'm actually a strong supporter of basic constitutional rights and personal freedoms. I believe in minimalist government. I believe it was Jefferson who said "that government is best which governs least". I'm an ardent believer in the separation of church and state.

I do, however, have a decidedly conservative view. Much of it is based on fiscal issues. Some is not. I do believe that taxes are too high. You know, it's a common mantra of the left that the Bush tax cuts favor the rich. That's kind of inevitable, since the wealthiest 8% of the US population pays 92% of all personal income taxes. Yep, that's right, boys and girls, each of those folks pays the full tax burden for themselves and more than 10 other people. Since they pay the largest part of taxes, it's sort of obvious that cutting taxes will help them the most, no?

Here's my view on that. And before I begin, I realize that much of the following discussion is philosophical in nature. It isn't ALL philosophical, though. There are some pragmatic issues as well. I think some of those have a bit of urgency to them. I also want to state up front that while I'm not happy with our system of taxation, I'm not one of those nut jobs who advocate non-compliance. I believe in the rule of law. I don't like our system, and I'm hoping that one day we'll get some legislative relief that fixes the current mess. Until that happens, I'll gripe, but I'll dutifully pay my bills.

Anyway, here goes.

I am a big believer in personal responsibility. I'm also a big believer in the idea that it's never OK to take one person's property by force and give it to someone else, even if you have "official" sanction. But that's what our tax structure does.

Taxes are effectively the way that citizens pay for common services that are provided by the government. Taxes build roads, they pay for defense, and they cover other large infrastructure or services issues that are for the common good of the citizenry. In private commerce, these goods and services would have prices that are dictated by market forces. In our system of taxation, they are set by threat. Look at it this way. You go to the market with Fred, and you each buy a loaf of bread. Fred makes 6 times your income - but he doesn't have to pay 6 times as much for bread as you do. The current taxation system is essentially equivalent to shopping at a market where the grocer checks your bank balance at checkout, then assigns high prices to the people with more money. If they don't like it, they don't have an option to shop elsewhere. Instead, he steals their wallet or locks them in the frozen food department.

Think of it this way. Regardless of his wealth, Bill Gates can't drive on the Interstate that much more than me. And his legions of minions all pay their own taxes, so you can't tag him with road bills for them. He likely needs LESS police protection than the rest of us - he pays his own security people. But I'd warrant that his tax bill looks like the budget of some small countries.

People justify this by saying "but he can afford it". So? If you have more money that the bag lady on the corner, is it OK for her to threaten to lock you up in a basement until you give her the money in your wallet? I think most people would consider that to be extortion, and would view it as both criminal and morally reprehensible. But our system of taxation does that. The fact that it's socially sanctioned doesn't change the moral repugnance.

And make no mistake about it, many social entitlement programs are nothing more than legalized extortion for the sake of income redistribution. One of the most egregious of these is the "earned income credit". It's a program by which low-wage earners can get tax "refunds" that can actually exceed the amount they paid - by thousands of dollars. Do the math, kids. If people get refunds in excess of what they paid, it's not a "refund" - they are really getting someone else's money.

Now, charity is a fine thing. In fact, I myself regularly contribute to some charities. But charity, by definition, is an act of giving. It should not be forced by threat of imprisonment or seizure of assets. Then it stops being charity, and becomes extortion. And part of the problem with that is the incredible inefficiency of government bureaucracy in disbursing money. I've seen estimates indicating that in federal entitlement programs, as much as 92 cents of each targeted dollar is consumed by bureaucratic overhead. Most churches manage with 10-20% overhead. So if you want those dollars to do some good, instead of paying taxes for federal programs, we'd be much better with lower taxes and more charitable giving. The poor would be better off, and so would the taxpayers.

Last year, someone very close to me was legally eligible for the Earned Income Credit, and some other government benefits. I think the party in question would have been happier if I had been able to just give them the money. I really couldn't though, after paying the 55% bite out of my income taken by state, federal, and local taxes. Do I really need the government to take my money, use it to pay a bunch of government workers, just so they can return a small percentage of it back to my own family? Wouldn't it make more sense to let me just handle it myself?

Now, here's the big danger of this stuff. We're ignoring lessons of history that have been shown from the Roman Empire with its "bread and circuses" concept to the Soviet Union in modern times. We're teetering on the brink of a socioeconomic chasm. Here's why.

While many government services are important, it is necessary to realize that all government wages are paid out of the wealth on the private sector. The government does not make goods for sale, and does not create wealth. It is a net drain on the economy. The more money spent on government, the less there will be for consumers to spend, or for businesses to invest - things that drive economic expansion. Yet, right now, something over 40% of all US workers are employed either directly or indirectly by some level of government. And in organized labor, it's even higher. I've seen stats that say that 63% of union members in this country are government workers. That last statistic explains an interesting phenomenon. Have you noticed that the unions continued to support Clinton after he got the North American Free Trade Agreement passed, even though that was a hugely unpopular move with organized labor? It's because the Democrats traditionally support larger government and larger bureaucracy. Tax cuts often mean government staff cuts. Since most union members are government workers, that means that tax cuts for the private sector generally translate to lost jobs for union members. So they support Democrats.

Similar arguments can be made for recipients of federal entitlement programs. And herein lies the danger. We are becoming a very, very polarized country. That's pretty obvious. But it's polarized in a way that most people haven't picked up on. Look at a map of the voting patterns from the 2000 Presidential election. You'll find that in general, Gore carried large metro areas of 1 million or more people, and Bush took every thing else. And what's in those large urban areas? Large numbers of people who are either recipients of entitlements, or who are government workers.

Both groups have a vested interest in seeing the private-sector workers and businesses taxed to support their own financial needs. And they are becoming an increasingly larger voting block. If the current trend continues, at some point (probably in the relatively near future), they will become a solid majority of the population. At that point, we'll enter a kind of national death spiral. Government spending - and taxes - have steadily grown much faster than the general rate of inflation for decades. Once the "death spiral" starts, that will accelerate. Why? Because the bureaucrats and recipients of federal largess will be able to ensure that their piece of the pie continually increases, by electing officials who are sympathetic to their cause. As this happens, the percentage of wealth that private sector workers and businesses keep will show a corresponding decline, along with consumer spending and investment capital. The economy will stagnate. As jobs erode, more people will become dependent on government handouts. And the cycle will deepen.

This ain't blue sky, folks. This cycle has broken innumerable cultures in the past, and it's coming at us fast. It was a big contributor to the demise of Rome. In more recent times, it broke the Soviet Union. And China, one of the more stalwart Communist regimes, has seen the light and instituted capitalist reforms. That has caused China to have one of the fastest growing economies on the planet, after decades of economic privation.

So there you have it. The rorschach99 "economics 101". Maybe now you'll understand that tax cuts are a good thing, even if they end up in some other guy's pocket.

Current mood: inspired.

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15th August, 2004. 11:42 pm. Musings on mortality ...

Today is my 50th birthday. As I write this, I'm sitting alone in a hotel in Chicago. I'm here on business. I'd rather be home with my family. I suppose I'll enjoy the trip, really. It's a training event, and some of the subject matter will be interesting. Right now, though, I'm lonely.

Last night, my wife and my family had a very large surprise birthday party for me. I was, strangely enough, caught totally unawares by it. In retrospect, there were a number of hints, but I was sort of ignoring my birthday, so I guess I expected everyone else to, as well.

I gather that planning for this started in February. There were a lot of people there; my wife and step-sons (neochichiri and neosuboshi). My younger daughter, her husband, and my two grandchildren. My two younger brothers and their wives, my older sister, and a vast number of nieces and nephews and their children. And my good friend Dave and his wife.

I'm humbled that all those people went to all that trouble to celebrate my birthday with me. It has touched me deeply.

After the party, I started thinking about how good the day was, and how I hated to leave. We met at my youngest brother's house. He has a place in the country, with 5 acres of mowed grass. It's an ideal setting for these big family gatherings. The little ones can run and play safely. The older adults can sit and talk, or play a quiet game of horseshoes. And the ones in the middle can play some softball or football. There's plenty of room for a big cookout, and sometimes for a bonfire.

Sadly, my brother will probably soon sell the place. His company wants to transfer him to Houston, and he will likely go. Personally, I'm not sure he's making the right choice. Financially and career wise, it's a good move for him. On a personal level, it might be a mistake. In any event, I'll miss getting together at his house.

Considering all that made me start thinking about my own future. I'm 50 years old. If my genetics play out the way my mother's did, I won't have much time left. Mom died at 58. My grandfather and grandmother, and my Mom's brother, all died by their mid-fifties.

Of course, on Dad's side of the house, people are pretty much immortal. Dad is 76. His father made it past 100. Maybe I'll get lucky.

I'm not worried about dying, though, or how long I'll live. I'm not really afraid of dying. I haven't been for a long time. I guess I accepted the inevitability of that a long time back. No, what I worry about is the missing out. No more toasting marshmallows on sticks over an open fire on a crisp autumn night. No more tight hugs around the neck from my grandbabies. Maybe not getting to see my older daughter or the boys get to have kids of their own. Not being here to take care of my wife, or sit by the river with her, feeding French fries to the ducks.

Yeah, that part worries me.

I'm not afraid of dying. But I'm scared of not getting my fill of living. I have a lot of living left to do. The ironic thing is that a few years ago, I really didn't care about living any more. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't suicidal or anything. I just felt like I was done. I was a creature of obligation. I kept going to fulfil my responsibilities, and they were pretty much done. The girls were grown. I was divorced, so I had no wife to think of. As for myself, I had never really payed much attention to what I wanted or needed.

Fortunately, that's all changed. Mostly I have my wife to thank for that. She's a truly special person, and she's helped my regain my perspective. I have joy in my life again, and that's something I didn't have for a very long time. The turn-around in my younger daughter's life and my grandkids are a big part of it, too.

Having lived to the ripe old age of 50, I have some advice for anyone who cares. When I was young, I was a serious workaholic. I missed out on way too much because of that. So here's my advice.

Focus on the important stuff. It may sound trite, but your family, your kids, your friends - that's what matters. Strike a balance. Find a way to make enough money to meet your needs, and stop. Put no more time into work that you have to. Then spend every precious moment you can with someone you love. Money comes and goes. Once you cover the basics, an amazing percentage of what's left goes for things that really don't matter.

The people you love go too, but they don't come back. So take care of them. Watch over them. Help them. Spend time with them. And never, ever, take them for granted or ignore them.

If fate is kind, my wife and I have a future that will involve a quiet place in the country. There'll be an old house with a big porch sitting on top a hill. At the bottom of the hill there'll be a pond, and a big willow tree. We'll grow old together there, and watch the grandkids play and throw rocks into the water. Maybe we'll even catch a fish or two.

And if that doesn't happen, and I don't get another day past now, well, I'm still grateful. I've got good friends, and people who love me. All things considered, I'm a very lucky man.

--- rorschach99

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19th January, 2004. 6:28 pm. Wings

I always thought of myself as a dragon sort of guy. I guess quizilla agrees with me :)

DragonWings
Your wings are DRAGON wings. Massive and
covered in scales, they shimmer with strength
and magic. They are the most obvious display of
your power - though it runs equally throughout
your heart and mind. You are uncompromising and
grave, with a profound sense of justice. You
have firm ideas about what is right and what is
wrong and set out to fix what problems you can.
You realize that you are more capable of
dealing with life and evil than most, and as
such you see it as your responsibility to
protect those who cannot defend themselves. You
have existed since antiquity and as such you
are wise far beyond your years in this
lifetime. While you strive for fairness and
peace, if someone should steal from your cave
of treasure (though not all that glitters is
gold) or compromise the happiness of you or one
who is close to you - they have signed their
death warrant. You have a mighty vengeance and
will unleash it upon such people immediately
and mercilessly. Arguing with you is
useless...you rarely back down and are known
for holding firm in your beliefs. Sometimes you
feel intensely burdened with the troubles of
others...acting as a Guardian can get so
wearisome. But you never give up...you see it
as your life's mission. Often very introverted,
you can be so smart...it's scary. Such a
combination of intelligence, creativity, power,
beauty, and magic is often intimidating to
those around you - who are also unlikely to
understand you. Arrogant, proud, overserious,
and sometimes a bit greedy or obsessed with
whatever treasure you choose to pursue...you
have enchanted people for centuries, and will
continue to do so.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

And here is what they had to say about my lovely wife

phoenix
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Current mood: amused.

Make Notes

13th January, 2004. 11:12 pm. Well, Here I Am

A few months ago I found the blogger phenomenon to be rather baffling. It struck me as odd to pour ones private musings out in such a public forum. To a certain extent, that's still true. I have, however, decided that these forums are an interesting venue for dialog. Most of those on my friends list are of a somewhat (or extremely) liberal bent. You can consider me the "opposition opinion".

I thought I'd use this initial post to explain the name that I use. I would have preferred "rorschach", sans the 99, but that appears to be taken. The name Rorschach, as I use it, is taken from a character in a marvelous graphic novel called "The Watchmen" by Alan Moore.

The character Rorschach wears a mask with symmetrical black and white blotches, like those in the classic Rorschach ink blot test used by psychiatrists. The mask is symbolic of Rorschach's world view. Rorschach is a moral absolutist - he sees everything in black and white. There is no grey for him, no moral relativity. Although he is a social misfit, a criminal, and probably insane, he is arguably one of the most relentlessly honorable people in literature. In his words, "never compromise with evil, even in the face of armageddon".

While I'm a bit more of a pragmatist than Rorschach was in "The Watchmen", I rather admire his moral clarity. And on a more visceral level, the guy kicks butt. He demonstrates rather forcibly that relentless devotion and courage can go a long way toward making up for other forms of power.

So don't be surprised if you find my comments here, on the occasions when I make them, to be somewhat conservative in tone. I won't delve deeply into my past in this post. I will tell you that I used to be a starry-eyed idealist. I still have a mostly optimistic view of life, but my life experiences have made me very cynical about human nature. That colors many of my opinions about things like politics, crime, and punishment.

So here I am in the blogosphere. If you care, check in from time to time

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